You are so confident. The statement is not a compliment, the statement is depreciating. I could never wear what you wear. Aren’t you bothered by what they have to say? She’s crazy and she’s maniac, someone will get her medicated. The human definition of confidence is to not be offended. People pleasing is a disease, someone fetch me my booster. Twice vaccinated, doctor we are about to lose her. You are so You, why don't you ever take a step back. Analyze what people want, listen, then redact. Life is easier when you're likable, just wait you’ll see. You will never make it in the real world, there is no guarantee. I am just trying to help you. No, you are telling me who to be. Having confidence is a responsibility. Should I even be trusted with this trait? Privileged with the power of social invisibility, naive of my inevitable fate. Crusading through tortuous pressures, only to swallow my shallow beliefs. I wonder who I would be without my worth, probably some useless antique. I wonder if I will be alone. To make my life worth something, I need to post about it on my phone. I could try to believe I am important, but not more important than anyone else. Love yourself but not too much. Follow your dreams but not all the way. Go for it but keep your mouth shut. I don't care what you have to say.
Why do you feel sorry for me when I am being myself? Why do you pity my passion? Your lack of self expression and purely a lack of satisfaction. A lack of fulfillment, I can smell your breath growing stale. Be realistic, so you don't have to fail. Seems like you have already given up and decided to conform. Aimlessly walking towards a horizon, neck dangling, eyes watering, gnawing on the grass of greed for more. You stare at me like I am insane for being different and for not looking like you. For not following along and for not doing what I am supposed to do. This unspoken societal rule to keep to yourself and consider, contradicts the essence of life and the purpose of being alive. I don't get paid to fit in, what's the point when I am the one who is left to survive. So many people have faith in God, but they neglect the faith within themselves, and I begin to wonder why. Why do not enough of us believe, why do we give up before we begin to try. Stop telling me what you don't like about me. Stop yelling at me to change. Stop shaming me because I am not who you expected me to be. Stop telling me I’m lost and deranged. I accepted who I am and somehow you want me to leave. Stop telling me to give up on myself when it seems like I am the only one who believes. Why don’t you believe me when I tell you who I am?
WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU WHO I AM?
My body is a temple, for I want to pray upon. Well nourished with time, I’ll aid to encapsulate the beyond. Holy trinity, bare skin in bones, my reflected body glows. An aura, enlighted, shall jester my suitors to go. My body is like broken light, fractured between the trees. Stagnant and certain, my heart races as my body breathes. Buzzed in desonation, I’ll lack love in my palms. Curse complications, belittle the ones I long. My body, my castle. An emperor I’ll rule, dictating it’s people, a carnival of accepted withdrawal. Lingering in the air, statued is my soul, for a hypotized eye to seek. Imagining, my dirty body, buried cold, burrowed weak. Until those shallow moments of ominous death and despair, take my body, to lie me there. A warmth of acceptance, floral flaws root within my veins. Naturalistic beauty, promiscuous beauty, are both one in the same. My feministic fortune parades in consciousness with pride. Drawing attention to physical intentions, cut the cremsons I have aligned. Still, I’ll stare. Respiring, I am alive. Unowned by my body, my insecurities starve to survive. Dress me up like a doll, let me dance and sing. Makeover time, hello barbie. The corridor of society rings. Pressure me into a diamond I’ll mend. Bend me backwards, fold me to fend. Slow cook my shallow actions, spell my charades and cry. Sometimes my body loves me, sometimes my body likes to lie. Mirror me this, looking glass takes me back. Innocent girl and her body perpertartes into fugitive beauty heart attack. My body is a temple, for I want to sin upon. Sit me up lightly, pry me deep with a blade and fawn. Turn me over, spindle me to shame. My body, unlike yours, is simply mine but also the same. Stripping me of the covers, let me lay bare. To care for one's image, is to burn like a fluidless light in the air. An injustice sandwich dented with the uncomfortable dare.
BODY TEMPLE
he boy -- that I pry my eyes out for, the mate -- I seek for under my duskily coated comforter, we lay in the fluffy grass -- a cloud hovering over our hallows, my mind clutters with ransom notes of past loves, but he burns them slowly with his lighted cigarette. My eye twitches on each spectacle aspect of his structure-- his mouth moves bonelessly when he says my name. My name -- a label that stings my ears, sounds of a lavender scented lullaby beneath his tongue. A narrator, his words warm like the candle, yet too hot to touch, maybe if I wet my finger, the flame wouldn't flourish and fight as much. And as my emotions rain heavenly between my temples, the pulsating flow of love dissolves within my blood, my eyes are shot red with his dungeon of debts. I want to gasp and grin and coddle with his grief, swallow away his sorrow, and kiss his miserable regrets.
I feel like I have known you before, our brief hours of commerce have failed to commence again. A familiar face so soothing, I sing myself a prayer to see you, Amen. I frantically forget my breath when you are in the sight of my mind. Strolling aside its horizons, distracting me from the reality of time. Douse me in your humility, let’s shimmer together with sadness. I will pine to suffer with you, I will beat dead at madness. For you, I’ll enchant your enemies and slit their throats with our rainbow hearts. As my throat ached -- actually as my pharynx rotted, against my past affairs, their visceral virus of “love” has reverted my idea of supplemented care. No. Don’t let me go back. Keep me here, free and fair. Look me in the eyes, let me watch your name linger in the air. Another lifetime we met, like I said before, you embodied my emptied soul and bandaged my sour sore. You, yes you, the boy that I pry my eyes out for. I’ll lend you my lungs so you can breathe beneath the meadowed floor. Fall with me into love and lay with me til death, forevermore.
The girl -- the platinum star that twinkles between my eyes, the spirit -- I flounder with honor inside. Inside my fractured soul, duct tape my feeling with your touch still cold, her hair stands straight and reflects lightly like it has been told, her obedient lids shutter -- her metric blinks have forged into minted notes of music. Tick, tick, tick, goes her eyes, a rhythmic beat reminds me less of my cries. Tell me another story of how you almost thought you’d lose it. Her passionate lips begin to swear -- her curses like mildew and bugs that seemingly dance without a retractable care. You are worth hiding from my virtues, worth biting on my tongue. Don't ever interrupt a lady, so imperial, I have learned. I can tell she sings quietly when she’s alone. I can tell she slurps equity from the bowl and humanizes laughter with concern. I can tell she sees me for who I am and not for the label I withhold.
I have known you before, my sweet amber rose, a scent so distinct and precious, my intentions to complain have froze. You disguise my numbing alter, you undrape my evil vail. Deflower my corroding options, of selfish snoods that sail. Oh dear Aphrodite, let me ingest your pain. Call upon thy neighbor, let me poor you down heavily with pure purple rain. There is a glister in my gut, for I know I have swallowed the gummed truth. I have met a woman so eccentric, so inextricably rooted, my throat will only dry white when it’s soothed. Oh look, my hands have finally come back to its color, I imagine them laying beside you, us as one but with another. My dead heart has somehow begun to beat with you. You enslaved my depression to be with you. All I want to do is be with you. Please let me be with you. I shed a tear upon my pillow as distance unintentionally drifts us farther away. A floating iceberg of tensions has begun to find its way. I have fought many wars with myself, bloody battles of blue, but you awaken my survival and you channel my undo. I'm terrified of trying, can't gamble to lose. Until I beat again, while you blink again. And I retrace my nerves to rechoose.
A breath. They finally exhale as one. As the both have fallen victim, to the castle spell we take as love.
HOSTILE HEARTS
THE REVIVING CIGARETTE
Pluck the dagger from the barron
A set, a suit, a spade
Retract ones depreciating emotion
Until the others fall and concade
Strike the match
Flick the lighter
Watch it burn
That sorrow smoke and light
Watch the curvaceous turn and morn
That dagger of death
That Illogical fan of fight
Which I hold between my lips
Washes me stail
With malicious citrus sips
Smogging the smug
And as we cycle and circle and sin
I call upon the midnight void
And pray precisely within
Thy small dagger
Douths me with a timid taunt
Swallows my grim with a grin
Unwanted malleable thoughts
Numb my scented pain
With a mustier smoke and storm than wind
Yellow my teeth
And bring my breath to scorn again
Fall upon devils, demons, and dementors
Drag me slowly till my death
Depart my punctured heart
With needles of my spinning chest
Soon that cutlass will ash
Into aristocrat ruinous of rain
And those pallid flakes of death with rash
Darker inside the hooded flame
Keep burning beneath the light
Keep straggling underneath my breath
A putrid smell of smog
I’ll cough up my rotting throat of meth
Only to elect another triumph
To seize upon my awfully wretched throne
For the revival of the cigarette
Has already been lit
And my tanalized heart
Has vowed to never quit